The Little French Maid (1981)

Connie Peters (aka Peterson) was one of the great porn loops stars, and THE LITTLE FRENCH MAID presents her in full-throttle loop action, but structured as a feature film. I was more than satisfied with the result, which several IMDb-ers have rated a 10, though its weighted-average overall rating doesn’t reflect this.

Accompanied throughout by lovely (if overused) classical music ranging from “The Blue Danube” to “Bolero”, this romantic opus is virtually all-sex, all-Connie, all the time. It’s presented MOS, with very crudely dubbed-over dirty talk which I found a bit distracting -there is little to no attempt to match the dialog to lip movements, and the actors’ real voices aren’t used.

But it is quality sex that is sought by Connie’s fans and delivered in spades. She’s a winsome French maid (given a dumb fake-French accent in the dub), seen wandering around lovely grounds, or doing such prosaic chores as sewing or sweeping up. It’s never more than a minute or two from some hot sex, and I suspect the sheer quantity and quality of the XXX material must have been tiring back in the theatrical day.

John Holmes as the butler services Connie in three anal sex scenes including d.p.’s, and she has two mixed-combo threesomes, also d.p.’s, with legendary Johnnie Keyes, a young Mike Horner, and a very well-hung black airline pilot credited as “Bob White”. Paula Smith is enthusiastic in one of the threesomes, while Mike Ranger emerges the romantic hero of her dreams, as Holmes’ younger brother. Connie’s notoriety as the queen of anal sex is amplified in this terrific spotlighting of her talents.

Both Connie and Paula wear the colorful scarfs that were the trademark for women in the Swedish Erotica series of loops, providing continuity here with those wonderful short films. PET PEEVE: Conventionally “good looking” models are featured impersonating Connie both on the original artwork (1-sheet) and the video box cover. I’m a big fan of the ’60s and ’70s porn stars & starlets (you probably are too if you’re reading my review), and the fact that Connie is not a mainstream beauty but rather an amazingly arousing, uniquely low-down (& dirty) looking woman is a plus, not a minus.

Director Joseph Robertson, minus the faults noted above, did a bang-up job, and has several classics like A DIRTY WESTERN to his credit. After watching FRENCH MAID I’ve decided to sample his catalog of later video productions, which are hopefully a cut above average.