Kidnapped Girls Agency (1985)

First off, apologies for the crappy quality of this upload, but I think the contents will more than make up for that: Apart from being a God-knows-what-generation copy, there are two or three occasions where the picture gets a washed out, negative look for a couple of seconds. There is also a slight tracking issue at the very bottom of the frame. The sound, although audible apart from the odd line here and there, is also not great. However, this appears to be largely down to the original recording, where if I didn’t know better I’d swear the sound engineer was Helen Keller.

Michelle Bauer stars as Tracey Taylor, part of the Kidnapped Girls Agency, an agency that, I’m sure you won’t be surprised to read, exists to find and rescue kidnapped girls. Which seems a bit sexist to me; but then again the bulk of the film’s running time is made up of women being stripped naked and tied up, so I suppose it all evens out in the end!

The film’s main storyline is the KGA’s search for Cathy (Quigley), who we see in the film’s opening sequence being kidnapped by her evil stepmother Vera (Crystal Breeze) and Vera’s lover, Brett. For good measure they also kidnap Cathy’s roommate, Tina, ensuring a bit of variety in the many bondage scenes.

Many of you are probably aware of Michelle Bauer’s interesting and varied early career: porn, bondage, Pony Girls etc. However, in this film Bauer remains fully clothed for most of the running time, except for a topless scene near the end when she goes undercover at an S+M club, camping it up as a whip-wielding dominatrix.

However, Bauer’s limited display of flesh is more than made up for by the presence of Linnea Quigley. Being the knowledgeable, erudite types us CG-ers are, I’m sure most of you are aware that in Return of the Living Dead Linnea Quigley wore a merkin in her celebrated graveyard strip. Here she displays no such coyness, as her clothes are ripped off, to be replaced by lots (and lots, and lots) of rope.

As for the bondage scenes, well, that’s definitely not a fetish of mine, and after this film it’s highly unlikely to become one. Long (overlong) scenes of women being stripped and then tied up are accompanied by some of the most stupid, banal improvised dialogue ever committed to tape. At least I hope it was improvised, I’d hate to think this crap came from a script. Breeze in particular manages to display an impressive degree of witlessness, as evidenced by this exchange, which takes place just after Brett has pulled off Cathy’s panties:

Brett: Oh, natural blonde
Vera: How do you know?

In fact, even the producers appear to have become fed up after a while, as in later scenes the dialogue is edited out and replaced with some dramatic music, which appears to have wandered in from a much better film.

This is a strangely schizophrenic film; there is a disconnect between Bauer’s scenes, which are by and large played for laughs, and the general air of sleaze of the numerous bondage scenes, particularly when Tina, Cathy’s roommate, is tied up and extensively fondled by Brett, after being liberally drenched in baby oil.

Also, despite what the imdb Plot Keywords may say, this is not hardcore. Maybe whoever wrote that was viewing an even worse quality copy, and mistook the scene with the strap-on for something more organic! As an added bonus, after the main feature there is a trailer for Special Request, in which Bauer plays a woman who gets to live out her bondage fantasies.