Tarzun and the Valley of Lust (1970)

TARZUN AND THE VALLEY OF LUST – a “Storefront-Theater” classic – in which a young, virile Jungle Man does battle with a laughable looking man-in-monkey-suit before lowering the loin-cloth for both Jayne, his platinum-blonde squeeze, and Meena. a jungle goddess who succors Tarzun’s groin after the klutz swings smack into the trunk of a tree…. Obviously, Edgar Rice Burroughs these ain’t.

And just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse we get Tarzun And the Valley Of Lust, a 1970 flick that clocks in at a scant 48 minutes. This time around the production values don’t just drop, they take a free-fall dive off a cliff. Tarzun spends most of his time protecting Jane from a horny gorilla. Tarz looks more like a young hippie surfer dude and Jane, who’s sporting some vicious tan lines that don’t match up with her loincloth, is a platinum blonde. Most of the dialogue seems to be dubbed and the way it’s set up, in conjunction with the camera shots, made me think of Doris Wishman. The threadbare plot involves more embarrassingly stereotyped natives, including a jungle version of Angela Davis who ends up giving Tarzun a blowjob to soothe his hurting wiener. (He swung dick first into a tree.) One of the most amusing things about this movie is that no one seems to know the name of the star; the jungle girl calls him Carzan, Jane calls him Carzan AND Tarzan, and Tarzun calls himself Tarzan.