Robin Hood: Thief of Wives (1996)

ROBIN THIEF OF WIVES is Joe D’Amato’s quickie take on the legendary hero, here reduced to dumb sex comedy. If you can stomach a horrendously asinine English-dubbing job, it’s OK XXX diversion.

Just as the crappy Kevin Costner hit version ROBIN HOOD: PRINCE OF THIEVES injected an anachronistic Black character into the mix (played by Morgan Freeman), D’Amato makes the Sheriff of Nottingham into a Black, broadly played by Sean Michaels in the film’s leading role (Robin doesn’t show up at all until over 30 minutes has elapsed). Adding to the silliness, the Sheriff wears a cheap turban (at first I thought it was an elaborate shower cap) -what’s that all about?

Key gimmick here is the use of chastity belts; to raise money for King John’s coffers, the Sheriff kidnaps all the town’s women and fits them with the belts, giving the keys to the King. If any peasant wants to get laid, he has to pay a tariff for the privilege. This is fun, and my mind wandered to today’s moronic Tea Party movement – I guess those stiffs would go along with the Christian Right and favor abstinence if a similar taxation plan were instituted today.

So Robin of Sherwood pops up (in the form of Mark Davis), repeatedly stealing the keys and thereby making a hit with the townsfolk. Lovely Maid Marian is abducted by the King and her title and lands are to be turned over to her treacherous servant Rebecca, who for the fans is sexy enough (with over-sized nipples to boot) to have us porn hounds overlook her wrongdoings.

Film culminates in a very poorly staged archery tournament called by the King, with the winner to get Marian’s hand and (contradictorily) all her lands and possessions (continuity person forgot about the Rebecca subplot a reel earlier). Surprise ending has King Richard incognito winning the contest, having surreptitiously just returned from The Crusades, and setting everything right in the kingdom.

An even dumber continuity error occurs during one of many slapstick scenes where the Sheriff torments a hapless peasant regarding his wife. In long shots during this sequence she is nude, but in closer shots is wearing her chastity belt, a glaring mismatch every time there’s a cut. It’s all jumbled together in the final print.

This silliness is an excuse for lots of sex, with Michaels doing a lot of the mixed-combo humping. Cast is nearly identical with that for D’Amato’s JULIET AND ROMEO. Since the actors’ roles are never identified in these stinkers, there is confusion over who played what; suffice it to say that the same tall & slim, pale beauty who played Beatrice, helping out Romeo in his video is cast as Maid Marian in this one. IMDb calls her Caterina Altieri, but I’m guessing (from the billing) that she’s Stefania Sartori instead, but not the “Stefania Sartori” credited with appearing as Juliet.

Alternate Titles
La Légende de Robin des Bois
Robin Hood – König der Triebe Tabu DVD
Robin Hood – The Sex Legend Denmark
Robin Thief of Wives DVD Tip Top