Dr. Dildo’s Secret (1970)

This brings us to a completely obscure curio called Dr. Dildo’s Secret. That’s a new title card slapped on the print, and I have no idea what this was originally; the only clue is that it’s released by Creative Film Productinos, a short-lived company best known for the outrageous drive-in sickie, Wrong Way. The print looks like crap throughout the 64-minute running time, but sheesh, what a weird one!

Two guys, a Brit and an American, are driving through California in an area where people have been disappearing with alarming frequency. Meanwhile the title doctor has a lab where he studies pictures of naked women and his sexy nurse sits around doodling over the penises in Leonardo Da Vinci drawings and then diddling herself to her handiwork. The doctor also listens to self-help tape recordings about how a nurse dropped him on his head as a baby, which might account for the fact that he’s allergic to women! To cure himself, the doc keeps a rack of naked women stashed in his basement, which both of the aforementioned heroes discover when they separately wind up in his lair. Lots of sex scenes ensue, intercut with wild, psychedelic scenes of the doc conducting his experiments in which he grows the aforementioned naked woman from fetuses and then soaps down their bodies on a table. The whole thing ends (Spoiler Alert, if that matters) with an orgy that blows up the house and sends the cast up to heaven as Christmas ornaments. Yes, really. Oh, and the film also throws in occasional cutaways to human skulls and stuffed elephants who offer weird voiceover commentary about the sexy antics. A crackpot collision of How to Make a Doll and The Curious Dr. Humpp, this freaky discovery is easily worth the price.

Date: May 14, 2020