Beichte Einer Liebestollen AKA Sabena (1971)

A great, but forgotten, sexploitation movie shown at Quentin Tarantino’s 6th film festival in Austin, TX. Here’s what he had to say in his introduction:

“This movie has the most disgusting half-retarded handiman, alright, in the history of cinema. Having said that, no Dimwitted Idiot Handiman in the history of cinema has had it as good as this guy. This idiot gets so much action, it’s not even funny. I’ve never seen an actor playing that role get that much action or having that much fun. I was like… when did the dimwitted handiman get all this shit!.”

From the back of the box:

Hay Country Swingers. If the title conjures up images of hillbilly harlots and rural rednecks running amuck on a Buckalew barnyard complete with pigs and chickens, shotgun weddings and moonshine, then prepare yourself for some mild culture shock, because instead of backwoods Americana we get sex-crazed Bavarians behaving like idiots in the Alps. Yup, “Hay Country” here is good ol’ Germany where folks are not only perpetually horny, but act like sex was invented yesterday. People enter rooms, see another human being and, regardless of circumstances, either pounce or peep. Which, of course, is German for comedy. And Hay Country Swingers is typical of the kind of lederhosen sex comedies that flooded German theaters in the 1970s.

The plot, so to speak, is merely a string of rapid-fire sex-related vignettes. Allegedly tying everything together are the memories of Sabina (EVA KARINKA), a fresh-faced fraulein, whose sexual adventures are casually revealed when she strolls into a church and goes to confession….

Kicked out of her home after her new stepfather tries to yank her into bed, Sabina walks the streets for about… oh, three or four seconds, before wandering into a threesome with a middle-aged couple who give her a champagne shower. Hitchhiking into the country and thwarting the advances of a goofy motorcyclist, she takes a job at a picturesque farm/tavern surrounded by the kind of storybook mountainside Heidi used to live in. The tavern is owned by a Mr. Holzer (JOSEF MOOSHOLZER), who bears an eerie resemblance to a young Harry Novak, the staff are all sexy farmgirls who toil the fields but never sweat, and (as if this isn’t already the stuff of high comedy) there’s Flori, the wacky handyman, played by Mark of the Devil’s JOHANNES BUZALSKI, who looks like Herbert Fux’s comical brother and never misses an opportunity to make a funny face. Oh yeah, the goofy motorcyclist also gets a job there, and everyone runs around frantically trying to get laid.

Hilarious highlights include: A dirty old garter-belt salesman… A sex-crazed chimney sweeper… The village Inspector who likes to expose himself… Flori and his foot fetish… Pretty young folk dancers in Alpine dresses yodelling (!) in the tavern as a naked Mrs. Holzer is chased by her husband who spanks her before being attacked by the dancers… And Miss Curtis, the guest lesbian, who gives Sabina her first vibrator: “I’ve heard of these! I’ve been wanting to try one!”
There’s also a big slab of cheese that rolls down the side of a mountain.
All of which is about as subtle as World War II. Director ALOIS BRUMMER (who also gave the world There’s No Sex Like Snow Sex and, yes, The Erotic Adventures of Heidi) was obviously one of the giants of the German film industry.
From a 35mm beer-&-pretzels print. — Handsome Harry Archer